Last night I shed tears. I seems that im not enjoying with my family. :( I don't know why. It's not because I don't love them. And it is certainly not because I met someone that I like. It's just that, I don't feel like talking to them anymore. I don't feel like sharing things to them after realizing that my siblings does not cover for me. Not like Pia's sibs. They cover for each other. I just wish that I have those kinds of sibs. My sis and my bro won't stop telling...uhh.. Well, not actually telling, it's more of like, "nagpaparinig." Every time we eat as a family, I never talk, share.. I don't even join their conversation. So, my brother says : "so, Angie, share!" I don't want to talk so I'll just ask.."About?" And he'll say "Anything!!" Then my sister will say "hindi naman yan nagkkwento kasi may boyfriend/boylet na yan.."..out of the blue. What!? I don't. I told him that I don't want to have a boyfriend yet. And every time my sis says that my dad always gets shocked"HA!? boyfriend? sampalin ko yang Miggy na yan e. >:( " Since then, I REALLY don't want to talk about anything.
So, anyway, what made me cry again? Well, we had dinner outside. My mom whispered to me " Okay ka lang? Bat parang hindi ka na nageenjoy sa family? :( " I couldn't say anything so I just She also asked me if there's a problem, and I said.. no. I'm sorry. I had to lie, I don't want her to know that I have a problem. Oh, she said to me, "Gusto mo pakausap kita sa guidance councelor mo? Para malaman ko kung may problema ka?" I didn't say anything, I had no reaction, but deep inside, I wanted to say Yes, please. I just couldn't.
After eating, we were about to go to our car. I heard my sister and my brother talking about me. kuya: sexy ni Angie o..
ate: YAN?! SEXY?! ang taba taba niyan eh.
It kinda hurts.. oh, wait. It really hurts. I don't care if they say i'm sexy, I'm not looking for something that would flatter me. The thing that hurts is when my sis called me FAT. ..even if I already heard my sis calling me "Fatty" Well, she IS thinner than me, and there's nothing I can do. When ever she says that i'm fat, dumb, outcast, it made me feel like i'm a waste. Like i'm a nobody. I loose self-confidence, and that is why I don't think that I am pretty. I think that I am an ugly waste.
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As soon as we got home, I asked my dad where the keys to their room is. He gave it to me so, I went up, opened the door and used the computer. He went upstairs and told me, "Gi, alam mo, napupuna ko.. parang di ka na masaya." I pretended that I didn't hear that. I said nothing. He said, "..Parang mas nageenjoy ka sa mga friends mo. Next time di na kita papayagan magcamp next year."
:
fine.